We have odd happenings in Stearns County, but be assured – strangeness is everywhere.
In Melbourne, Australia in 2020 and 2021 the city was fascinated by secret poopers targeting affluent suburbs.
The poo jogger of Brighton was eventually caught with his pants down after leaving regular dumps in local doorways.
Then there was the poo cyclist – a woman wearing Gucci sneakers – who didn’t wipe after she did the deed on a residential driveway. This caused more outrage than the act itself.
“Look how well orchestrated this performance was,” said one commentator. “Definitely not her first time.”
Aussie PR maven Roxy Jacenko’s street was targeted by a poo jogger whose regular stops made Roxy, her staff, couriers, and street residents wary about where to step.
CCTV coverage revealed the mystery pooper’s identity – her bright jogging gear gave her away, prompting her to delete all of her social media accounts. But there was no more public pooping.
Back in 2018, neighbors in Brisbane, Queensland banded together to catch serial secret pooper Andrew M, who had left at least 30 steaming bundles near their upscale apartment building over the previous year. The 64 year old corporate executive and council advisory board member was charged with creating a public nuisance after Police received a widely shared photo of him ‘in the act’.
The previously unidentified man, known as the Paddington Pooper, had been running past the apartment block three times a week and allegedly ducked up a privately-owned path like clockwork in the early mornings to poo on it.
Once exposed, he resigned from his quality control position with an aged care company.
In 2017, the Mad Pooper of Colorado Springs made global headlines after her weekly dump and runs got up locals’ noses. She was never identified, but after the publicity, her public pooping stopped, despite Charmin offering a year’s worth of free toilet paper if she came forward.
Fishers, Indiana folks finally identified a crappy neighbor after getting fed up with regular deposits on their properties, complete with soiled toilet paper. Some resorted to signs on their lawns discouraging the public pooping. Thanks to doorbell camera footage, local police found the woman, who was encouraged to seek professional help.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but stories about bold unsociable pooping seem to be a thing worldwide. Just an observation.
Not in Stearns County, though.
A Google search of ‘pooper’ here yields only advertisements for pet poop cleaning services and local government dog rules.
Long may it be so.
In New Zealand it’s summer, and there is chatter not about secret poopers but rogue mailbox wiener planters on Waiheke Island.
Sausages wrapped in slices of white bread and smothered in ketchup are regularly being left in boxes, creating a stink in the small island community.
Kiwis like to barbecue their wieners and wrap them in squishy white bread and smother them in ketchup. They do taste good, but only with a decent wiener.
One of ‘the Sausager’s’ first victims, Jacob, told Radio New Zealand he’s been targeted since last April.
“It happens at least once a month, at the very bare minimum.”
At first he thought the wiener planter was just some drunk person who had misplaced their dinner.
"But it happened again and again, to the point where I messaged my friends thinking they were playing a joke on me - and then all of them had photos of sausages in their letterboxes. That was when I knew it was a serious problem."
As a Minnesotan of German heritage I am sometimes teased for taking things too literally.
It’s true that I can be fooled by the acerbic wit of New Zealanders.
So as I absorbed the Radio NZ piece, I wondered whether the Sausager was a Kiwi prank.
Then again, I grew up on spicy German wieners and homemade smallgoods.
New Zealand wieners, known as sausages or ‘snags’, can be awful.
Maybe the wieners discarded in Waiheke Island mailboxes are just bad wieners.
Maybe a German Minnesotan living on the Island is politely disposing of those wieners so he or she doesn’t have to eat them.
As pooper pieces from around the world show, there is CCTV everywhere, even on Waiheke Island.
So it’s just a matter of time before the Waiheke wiener planter is exposed. There is speculation a gang is responsible for the frequent mailbox wiener plantings, a case local media are now referring to as ‘Snagatha Christie’.
We’ll keep you posted here at LenaMina.com
Feb 23 Update The wiener planter is still at large.